Creating a strong emotional vocabulary

My Dearest Friend,

How can someone know how you feel unless you tell them?

And what is the other person doesn't "get it?" What if they don't understand? Your emotions, whether positive or negative, may be deep and complex. How can you help other people to understand the depth of your sadness, your anger, your joy, your... everything?

When you have a strong emotional vocabulary, it can help other people better latch onto what you are trying to communicate.

I'm not saying it is entirely your responsibility to "help others get you." They may have work of their own to do.

But if you find yourself repeating the same words over an over again, and those words don't seem to get through, using a different vocabulary may at the least help that person to listen in a new way.

I encourage you, my dearest friend, to grab a thesaurus and a dictionary. Use the dictionary to look up a simple emotion word, like "sad." Find out what the word means. See the examples of how it is used. Then look up "sad" in the thesaurus, and see synonymous--words that somewhat have the same meaning, but maybe with shades or colors. Then look up the definition of the synonym words, see what they mean, and see how they are used in sentences.

This process opens doors to words that can help you to explore and express your feeling.

"Sad" can be defined as "feeling or showing sorrow; unhappy." Look up "sad" in the thesaurus: a synonym might be "depressed." "Depressed" might be defined as "in a state of general unhappiness or despondency." Is that helpful? Maybe not. Look up "depressed" in the thesaurus. Hmmm, a synonym might be "desolate"--meaning "in a state of bleak and dismal emptiness."

Hmmm... do you feel desolate? Lean into the definition and explore its personal applicability. You might say to yourself, "Yes, I do feel desolate--like everything has been taken from me, and I can't find help anywhere I look for it." Those words might first help clarify to yourself how you are feeling, and then verbally paint a landscape that helps others better understand you.

Antonyms can be helpful as well. If you are feeling "desolate," both you and others might ask how they can help you feel "non-desolate." What is the opposite of "desolate?" Maybe "befriended" or "cherished"? Dig into those ideas. Would feeling like you have a friend, or feeling surrounded in love, help to ease your feeling of being alone?

Sometimes just knowing there are words and phrases that describe how you feel can help you to feel calmer and more understood, even if the person you are communicating with still can't entirely understand. Finding this out can be calming.

Saying the words to yourself (in your mind or out loud) can help you to better love yourself, because you can better show yourself understanding, compassion, and caring.

Here's where you might arrive at:

"I feel desolate. I need not to feel alone. I need a friend who will make be feel cherished. Can I be that friend to myself? Who else might be that friend to me? (Wait, what does 'cherish' mean? Oh, it means to 'protect and care for (someone) lovingly'. Yes, I need to feel protected!"

Is that helpful, my dearest friend? Can you find the words that better express what your heart feels? Can you use them as tools to better understand and comfort yourself? Can you use your new words to help others better understand you and what you need in this moment?

Love always,

John